The Things That Live Inside My Head

*Disclaimer:  These are things that have been living in my head for about a month now, and I need to get them out.  I've been hesitant to do so, in fear that it may offend some people.  If one of these comments was made by you, please do not take this as my passive aggressive way to convey it to you, and please understand I just need to get it out of my head, this is not about you I promise.

It's been a while since I posted about the frustrations of trying to expand our family.  I can honestly say that I feel this has been a lesson in humility from the Lord.  There is so much that I have learned from this process.  Here's my example: A few months ago I was at a gathering, in which another young woman was asked by someone whom having a child had come easy, "How come you don't have kids yet".  This was done in a very kind and kidding manner, but I saw "the look".  Anyone who's been there knows the look because its flashed on your very own face a million times.  The woman politely responded that"it just wasn't time yet", but I knew otherwise.  It's a look that bonds women of any ethnicity, religion, and social background.

My lesson has come from understanding that some of the most innocent questions or comments can cause quite a bit of pain to someone else when you don't understand their situation.  Please, please do not take this the wrong way, I do not expect anyone to filter out a conversation because of my fertility issues.  (again, read above, this is my rant, nothing more).  But for me, it's made me aware of the things I'm saying (not just about babies- anything that has come to me and given me success) as you never know the situation that someone else is in. 

For example, here's a totally harmless quote that I heard last month, "she's probably my only chance to be an uncle."  The statement as it said was completely kind and actually loving.  However to me, it was a dagger in the heart.  To me it was a write off of the possibility that I could EVER have a child of my own for this person to consider his niece or nephew.  (again, please see my disclaimer).  It honestly killed me and I had to step away.

Now I understand this is all about how I take it, and how I allow my emotions to flow, and understand I am working very hard on this, and think I've gotten better, but that comment has honestly eaten away at me daily since I heard it- and I just had to get it out of my head so it would stop.

Please don't take this for more then it is.  I am completely happy with where we are at in trying to expand our family.  I am beyond thrilled for everyone in my life who has lately found out they are expecting (there is not a limited supply of babies!) and if anything it gives me hope that ours is coming!  This is quite simply my rant to get something out of my head so that I can focus on other non-emotional stupid things.

Massive Fail

I'm alive, I swear.  I had gotten off to a good start, and fell off the bus.  I've just been so tired that between work, school, my gym schedule, and volunteering I've not felt like blogging.

I honestly came home, made dinner, and then slept for 3 hours before waking up to do a few things and am now heading back to bed.  Crazy huh?  I'm just so damn tired all the time!

I'll get back to 30 days of truths tomorrow!

30 Days of Truth- Day 2

Look- I'm already further then I made it on the 30 day challenge!

Day 2: One Thing You Love About Yourself

This is actually an easy one for me to answer.  I LOVE my eye's/cheek bones!  I'm of Eastern European and Italian decent, and these two ethnicity's combined in their best form to give me some awesome eyes/cheekbones!  Seriously- check it out:

Photo by Noyan Photography

I also love that I can see the positive side of things.  I know it's probably annoying to some, but I've always been told that being easily amused is the sign of a happy person- and I consider myself a happy person who looks for the 1/2 full cup!

What do you love about yourself?

Because Seeing An Elephant Fly isn't the Only Magic About Dumbo

30 Days of Truth: Day 1

Okay, so my 30 days of "getting to know me" was an epic fail.  I admit it.  Thus why I'm starting over, with "30 days of truth".  I found it through my good friends Vanessa (The Life of NesJas) and Jess (Momma V).

Day 1: One Thing You Hate About Yourself

Wow, let's go ahead and get right into it then huh?  Let's see... what do I hate about me.  Simple.  I hate my ovaries.  I could say that I hate my weight, which while my weight has troubled me my whole life, honestly, it doesn't "bother" me I guess.  I'm still incredibly active doing Zumba and such, and thankful for that.  I'd love to lose weight, but my motives for losing weight aren't for physical beauty, it's for my damn ovaries.

I hate my ovaries.  I hate that they are a host to tons of tiny cyst's that keep them from producing the hormones needed to procreate.  I hate that they allow these cyst's to play "house guest" producing excess testosterone which gives me facial hair, acne, and other undesirable characteristics.  I hate that my ovaries can't do the one simple function they were placed in my body to do- mature an egg ready for fertilization so that I could be a mom.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would take medical intervention for me to be a parent.

Hating your body for it's internal parts is quite an internal conflict.  They're my ovaries- no one is going to give me an ovarian transplant, but at the same time, they're the leading cause to my inability to do the one thing a woman is designed to do- procreate.  My ovaries cause me to fail at being a woman.  There's nothing more I hate about myself then that.

30 Day Challenge- Day 1: Getting to know me

So I'm a little late to the party, but decided to join the 30 day blog/journal craze! This will involve me posting at least one post a day related to this challenge. The first challenge is "getting to know me". So, without further delay...

I am Jenn. I'm a Christian, twenty-something married lady enjoying my life in the valley of the sun. I'm married to an amazing man- we got married last June at the fabulous Ritz Carlton in downtown Phoenix.
I'm a "pet" mommy to 4 animals: Miley (dog), Simba, Nala, and Budders (cat's).

Miley

Simba

My husband and I bought our home together last spring, and love it! We hope to eventually (5-7 years) turn it into a rental home, and purchase our "forever home" somewhere north of the 101 between Cave Creek and well far east into North Scottsdale.

I do operations management, meaning I love numbers, in the education field. My husband is also in education, and he does financial planning.

My other amazing job is getting to be a Godmother to the most amazing little girl on the planet, my Bella-Bear. She's currently 15 months old.
My favorite place on the planet is Disneyland. I'm always asked why, and well, here's my answer: Where else on this planet can grown adults skip around in foam mickey ears and be absolutely 100% accepted? Not to mention, in Disneyland, there are no worries. Everything is perfect- there's no bad, no wrong, no ill intent, just people who love each other capturing beautiful and lifelong memories (at least from my perspective).
I'd love to be a mom, and will be one day. I found out in February 2010 that I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome) which explains a lot of struggles I've had my entire life, but also explains why having a child has some extra speed humps. I'm currently working on a life long battle of losing weight with the help of my gym, will power, and my good friend "Bert". It's our goal that this will help us full fill our dream of being a parent, but if not, thank goodness my employer offers Adoption Assistance, as our backup plan (and may even be a primarily plan) is to adopt a child from Russia.

I have amazing parents, and a wonderful sister. I am the female version of my dad, but my mom is super amazing too, and I got some wonderful traits from her. My sister is often the complete opposite of me, and I envy her for it. She's exotic and mysterious- something I'm not. Oh and she's like insanely beautiful.
I have amazing friends, and honestly could not be more content with my life. I have been so unbelievable blessed that I couldn't even begin to tell you how lucky in life I am.

So welcome, I hope you enjoy the journey with me... Looking forward to getting to know everyone else a little better too!

July 17th, 2010

Saturday July 17th, 2010 ended up being an extremely exciting day for my mom and I! Saturday July 17th, was Disneylands 55th birthday. We knew they were coming out with special released Disney Dooney and Burke purses, and at 3:00pm on Friday July 16th, decided we'd be driving out early Saturday morning to get ours!

Mom drove down Friday night, and early Saturday morning (4:00am) we hit the road for Disneyland! We made great time and actually ended up parking in the large parking structure at about 10:30am.

We immediately got in line for the purses, and since we were probably 20-25 people deep, I ran down to pin traders and picked up the 2 pins that came out for their 55th birthday (one scheduled, one surprise release). When I got back, mom had moved maybe 15 ft. After about an hour, it was finally our turn to head into Vault 28, and we picked out our purses!

Having over $500 worth of purses to cary around, we decided to head back to the hotel to drop off our "loot" and freshen up. We had to be back between 2pm-4pm to pick up our "gift with purchase" items, and of course wanted to enjoy Disneyland on its 55th birthday. We used my left over Marriott points, and stayed at the Fairfield Inn located right across the street- which worked out AWESOME! Once we got back to the hotel, mom jumped in the shower, and I tried to work some Disney magic of my own- and it worked! I called day of to see if by chance they had any World of Color dinner packages available for that evening and they had just had a cancellation for Ariels Grotto for the 2nd showing! We got SO lucky, and of course snatched these up! Knowing we were seeing World of Color on this trip ON Disneylands 55th Birthday gave us a 2nd wind, as neither of us ended up taking a nap (I maybe dozed for 15-20 minutes while mom showered). So we got dressed and hurried on our way up to pick up our gift with purchase item for spending $150 in Vault 28 on Dooney's! (This ended up being a D&B cosmetic bag with the same print! So cool!)

After picking up our gifts, we took the monorail into Disneyland and hung around... We also stopped for the only photo we got of the two of us the entire trip!

Mom decided to head back to the hotel to drop off some of our shopping purchases as well as change her shoes- my knee was starting to bother me so I stayed at Disneyland, and eventually headed over to first aid to ice my knee- I just pushed it to hard.

After icing my knee, it was pretty much time for our reservation at Ariels Grotto for World of color- after dinner we watched World of Color which was pretty much the most awesome Disney night time spectacular EVER!

After World of Color, we got on our first (and only attraction) of the day, Soaring over California. We had fast passes for Splash Mountain, but were just so dang tired we decided to call it a night since we knew we would be back in August. We made our way back to the hotel, and crashed pretty hard.

Sunday morning we woke up, and headed home. All in all, it was a quick trip, but honestly it was so awesome just being there on such a special day, and having our own special Disney magic!